Abandoned this blog, but if you find yourself here, check out my shared blog with my husband at: holdbeforeyoufold.blogspot.com.

I've been wanting to start a blog for a while, but every time I try, I get writer's block. I feel like I have important things to say, but when I try to write them down, it all suddenly seems so trivial. Who am I to write as though I have something worth saying? But then I remember that we all have a story to tell, and sometimes it's salutary to write things down, even if it's just for an internet audience of zero.

Today I felt so empty. So broken. Not because anything happened to me personally, but for the unfortunate occurrences in the lives of some people I love, as well as someone I don't even know that well. Sometimes it's really hard to remember that this world and our lives on it really don't mean so much in the grand scheme of things. Philosophically, I know that, but it's a crushing blow to be confronted with the futility of my actions in my day to day life. I've been in a state of existential quandary for several days now. That sounds so dramatic, but really...my day to day actions are inherently meaningless, unless I make them mean something. I've been looking for that "something."

I'll end my spouting of jibberish for now, and I'll take comfort in an old favorite quote that I just recently rediscovered:

"I pray because I can't help myself. I pray because I'm helpless; I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn't change God; it changes me." - from the movie Shadowlands, in which Anthony Hopkins portrays C.S. Lewis